its been a long time since i blog..
but i guess i just have to when i was asked a question..
which i myself didnt really know the answer..
why did i choose to do medicine?
or..why do i want to become a doctor?
money..DEFINITELY no..
status..OBVIOUSLY no..
to help others..maybe..
to serve human kind..maybe..
and the truth is.. i dont REALLY know the perfect answer for this..
honestly.. being a dr wasnt my first ambition..
until form 5 when suddenly something struck me..
which until now i didnt know what was the main factor..
which made me went through really crazy times in form 6..
only to be badly disappointed during my first application..
but i still didnt give up of that tiny hope..
and was blessed for the second chance given to me..
i certainly miss those days when im still a med student..
life was so nice that time..
u dont really have a responsibility..
u just go through the case notes and know the cases..
u try blood taking and branula setting..
if u cant get.."sorry dr..i cant get la.."
and then u just walked away..
NOW..
u cant say u cant take..
maybe once or twice..but u just GET TO SET OR TAKE..
especially when those blood will determine the management of the patient..
last time we just ask.."dr..can we observe?" for procedures..
NOW..im DYING TO DO PROCEDURES...
throughout my 3months plus..
i met many ppl along the way..
Harsh ppl..who are sarcastic..using all kinds of words and phrases to bring u down..
crazy ppl..who are crazily finger pointing at things which are NOT even your mistake..
tough ppl..whom u wont wana talk or even meet again.. after your first baddy encounter..
irritating ppl..whom u just had to avoid if u wana stay sane..
but certainly..there are also nice, caring and understanding ppl i met along the way..
i dont deny that i had my baddy down moments..
those were the days when i was hurt badly..
i lost my passion..i just hated what i was doing..
in which i sheded tears and looked at the mirror..
and asked myself.." is it i dont deserve to be a doctor??"
i was lucky enough that i have wonderful parents, family, frens and a few colleagues who are
supportive and knew what i was going through..
i owe them and appreciate them for being there for me throughout those tormenting moments..
but the most important thing that kept me going..
was a phrase from a fren of mine..
who told me..'u work for ur patients..'
which made me build up my strength a little bit..
there were times when patients just throw their tantrum at me..
they raised their voices at me even though i was doing my best for them..
i dont deny i was frustrated and disappointed..
but i guess my constant care and smile no matter how they scolded me..
just made them felt bad..
as they will apologise to me after that..
no doubt.. i cant understand how or what they are going through..
the pain, the suffering, the fear..
coz i definitely dont want to be in their shoes..
yet i know i JUST HAVE TO DO WHAT I COULD FOR THEM..
being in-charged of acute bay..
i came across collapses almost everyday..
sometimes twice/more per day..
till i am so worried..so scared..
about the ACTUAL fact that..
life is INDEED SHORT..
as i have seen with my own eyes..
how patients deteriorated SO FAST..
that nothing much could have been done for them..
despite being attended STAT..
only GOD knows how speechless i went..
it was very very challenging at that time..
coz one minute i was joking with the patient..
the next minute..the patient just collapsed..
i really couldnt swallow that fact..
and i have to be consoled that shitty things happened..(sigh)
so..i am happpy when the patients are happy..
i am happier when they are improving..
and i am happiest when i see how they progress from sicky..to be strong and healthy again..and
fit to be discharged..
it is more than enough when they say thank you for what i have done for them..
and i am surprised they thanked me for taking their blood every morning..
as i would have started cursing if im in their shoes.. :)
and i am even more surprised that some are so happy to just let me take their blood or line
setting :P
and..it touched my heart when their treated me..
from ice cream to fruits..it may not be xpensive..but its their thoughts that count..
THANK YOU..
handling family members..
is also another technique that one has to be skillful at..
everyone tends to get emo when their loved ones are sick..
definitely i cant blame them for being demanding at times..
yet i am so glad to meet REALLY understanding families..
despite being some VIPs..but they are just so humble..
i have met family members who were very appreciative for things u are doing..
and so..i have also met family members who made me being scolded even though things were not
my fault..
so..how i managed.. just stay positive and SMILE...
nevertheless..
it was sad week for me..
when i learnt about the passing away of a patient of mine..
who left a mark in me..
as he was a tough person when i first saw him..
even though wat ever he was going through wasnt easy..
but his spirit was strong and he was determined..
tears just rolled down when i knew he was deteriorating..
cause.. he was just a unique person whom i will always remember..
as he was the first ever person who almost wana wack the MO who raised the voice at me..
who was protective, easy going and fun to talk to..
who wouldnt burden us doctors and suffered his pain silently..
i managed to see him before things got really bad..
but still..it wouldnt be the same again for his wife and family..
hence..
i still dont know the TRUE answer why i am in medic..
partly was because i just wana help others with the knowledge that i gained..
to serve back to the community..
to be able to help and educate my loved ones also..
i am learning how to be strong everyday..
and to continue learning..
and to put a smile no matter how tough and tired i am..
coz it CERTAINLY make a difference to everyone who sees u..
and last but not least..
to pray daily to be guided through in every obstacles i am facing..
coz all these challenges have really changed me..
to be slightly stronger and tougher..
