darling...

A good relationship isn't a game you play or an ego trip you take. It is about love and two people. Loving someone can give us the greatest joy we can ever know and it can hurt more than we can believe too. When it does not really hurt when that person did something disappointing to you, but really hurts when you see that person in pain and sadness, then you know you truly love that person.

Loving someone means you should be ready to experience heartache and happiness at the same time. That's the reward and that's the risk. Unless we are willing to experience it, we will never really know what it's like to love and be loved.

Sharing love is probably the most valuable and meaningful experience a person can ever have. And there's a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. It's the difference between a love that's fickle, wild and short-lived and one that's tender and passionate, nurturing and lasts a long time. The first is easy. The second, the one that really matters to all of us, takes work -- because it's about keeping a relationship.

Loving someone takes efforts. We have to be able to communicate with each other.

Nobody can read anyone else's mind. We always presume that our partner knows what we think and feel. Maybe in time we might be able to predict or sense each other's thoughts but it's never perfect and takes time to develop.

Getting the chance to love and be loved by someone is blessed. Respect him/her for who he/she is, and not what you want him/her to be. Everyone is pretty and special in his/her own special way. No one is perfect. It is true love which closes the gap of imperfectness to form a smooth surface of acceptance for each other. True love sees and accepts a person for who he/she is. It is also true love which makes a person change for the better.

The power of true love to a person is undeniable.

A relationship needs commitments too. What is love without commitments from each other anyway? It's like principles and values. Everyone has them but they only mean as much as we are willing to stand for them.

The same goes for our commitments to relationships, and the person we love.

"Love is like an antique vase. It's hard to find, hard to get, but easy to break."

Every day everywhere, people fall in love...but just how many of these relationships are self-sacrificing love, and not just relationships which are formed only for the intense feeling of falling in love? I know hundreds of friends who say the magical words "I love you"... but more often than not, the truth is just -- I am IN love with you.

There is a difference between being in love with someone and loving someone. If a person says he/she is in love with you, he/she means that he/she likes you for who you are now and he/she fell in love

with you because of the present you.

This kind of love is temporary and lasts only as long as the fairytale lasts. When fairy godmother comes in at midnight to whirl us back to reality, we see the heartache of such a relationship...where both were only IN love with each other.

But if a person says he/she loves you, he/she means that he/she loves you unconditionally for who you are now, who you were in the past and who you might be in the future. When he/she says he/she loves you and really means it, you have to ask yourself if you love him/her too or if you're in love with the idea of being in love.

It is very hard to see the difference through logical thinking.

Let your heart guide you.

darling...

i am reading this msg even before u re-sent it..

the past 3 days had been hell for both of us..

we had threw tantrums and our frustrations at innocent ppl..

with simple mistake from me for trying to open up and share things around me..

bringing up the anger in u..

bringing up the pain in u..

that lead u to sent me that hurtful text..

using words that no one have used on me before..

i dont blame u for sending the msg to me..

but i cant deny that i was terribly hurt..

i know ur only doing this coz u love me too much..

nevertheless...

it is the 3rd time we are going thru this kind of situation..

3 times..u said u wana leave me so that i will have someone better..

yet u took back all ur words after a few hours..

and asked to be given another chance..

darling...

i just want u to know that..

u may think that i dont bother if u leave..

u may think that i dont care if u leave..

u may think im not looking forward to spend my life with u..

u may think ur doing a right decision coz u just wan me to be happy..

u may think i will find someone better than u..

u may think i can easily pick any Tom Dick or Harry to be my other half..

u may think i am not suffering as much as u do..

u may think i am not going thru any pain..

u may think u are not worth anything to me..

darling...

i know i have not open up to u as much as u are to me..

but i have my reasons of not doing so..

i love u too much to ever wan u to go thru pain with me..

i love u too much to ever wan u to share the burden im going thru..

i love u too much to ever hurt u..

most of the time u said i just keep quiet..

it is becoz by hearing ur voice..

it has already pushed away all my miseries..

most of the time u said i dont answer u..

it is becoz..sometimes i dont know the answer..

and most of the time u already have the answer..

Darling...

i may not be a person who knows how to express my feelings..

but i do know who u are to me..

i know only GOD knows how much u have pulled thru to be with me..

but i dont even know if GOD knows how much i have pulled thru to be with u..

u may think i dont put the effort in us..

but u dont know of how i try to make things work for us..

meeting ur mummy the other day was an example..

i can say i dont wan to meet her..

i can say i am not comfy..

i can say i hav other things to do..

yet i know i should meet her..

coz she is someone so important in ur life..

so is how important she is in my life..

u didnt know how crazily i went thru preparing to meet her..

u didnt know how nervous i was..

u didnt know how scared i was that she will dislike me..

but from the first time i saw her...

i dont deny i was shy..

yet i know she is like a mother to me too..

and i know she cares for me from the first look in her eyes..

Darling..

im not a person to share everything with anyone..

im not a person who easily trust anyone..

im not a person who has many many frens who will share my happiness..

only a few do..and these ppl are my true frens..

and by now..i guess u would have known who they are..

Darling...

God allow us to know each other for a reason or maybe reasons..

from the time we met..

from the time we hav seen each other..

from the time we have known each other..

from the little time we had..

it says a thousand word..

darling...

as much as i meant to u..

u meant too much to me too..

i wasnt angry at any of the things u said to me

i was hurt..i dont deny it..

but i know the reason why u did that to me..

it was simply becoz u love me too much to ever wan to lose me to someone else..

its ur ego instinct that said u will let me go..

but it is ur true self that wont let me go..

dont u ever realise that i never say of giving u another chance..?

coz u have already took the honour of being the locked person in my heart..

dont u ever realise i never say i am angry..?

coz i never was..

dont u ever realise that u have always been someone i have wanted to talk to everyday..

dont u ever realise that i tried calling u every little time i had..

dont u ever realise that this little little actions i do..

are answers that i never say to u..

Darling..

i dont know y..u would think i wan u to die..

coz u know how weak i am to handle this..

and i remember telling u..

hurting u would be killing myself..

if this is wat u think of me..

i really have nothing to say...

Darling...

i know u will be reading this..

yet i dont know how u will respond to it..

as much as how the silence kill u..

it has been disturbing me as well..

im terrible sorry for sending u wrong msg..at the wrong place..at the wrong time..

im terrible sorry for bringing out the pain in u..

im terrible sorry for doing this to u..

and im terrible sorry for not knowing how to xpress my love to u..

every smile i had without u around..

was a fake smile to cover the pain in me..

and only u know that..

i love u darling.. i truly do...

100th post

this will be my 100th post in this blog.. how time flies.. i didnt even realise i have posted up so many stories of things around me..so what will this special post about..?? it will be the events of the past one week...

exactly one week before this..

i was still going for last minute shopping..

really need to get new purse/wallet to match the new Coach bag bro got for me..

and to get myself one.. i need to get mum one too..

and then..of course..one more for dad..

i didnt realise that guys usually dont like ppl getting wallets for them..

thanx to Navin who reminded me..

telling me LUCKILY i didnt get him one..

coz wallet is something personal..

wat luck related... wat personality related..etc etc

was busily packing my stuff..

hoping i didnt leave anything that i wana bring back this time..

i tot i packed everything..

only to realised i missed out my external hard disk..ARHHHH

nvm...

weds.. really no mood to work..

IT is one day before CNY..

my soul at that time was already back in penang..

only my boring self was here..

after a quick morning round by the specialist..

off we went..after he so-called gave us the green light..

to go back as early as possible..

really ThANK YOU for giving us all these privileges..

and Thank You and Sorry to our other colleagues..

who had to work extra hard when we werent around..

it took me 2 hours to reach penang..

was partly speeding..

as both my eyes were pretty tired..

due to lack of sleep..and also the burning sun..

am glad to reach home safely..

and still managed to slot in my car for car wash..

back to home by noon..

and had a simple fulfilling lunch with family..

reunion dinner was fantastic..

had yee sang before the main dish..

after yee sang.. it is STEAMBOAT time..

im a superb fren of steamboat..

so..my eyes were actually blinking not stop :P

had a great time eating..talking and joking with my loved ones..

after dinner..it was last minute cleaning up..

had my NEW regular bed sheet..

but havent have new pyjamas after so many years...huhu..

must start my evil trick from now on..hehe..

right before the clock strikes 12am..

its 'paipai' time..

praying for good health for my loved ones..

and getting my angpows :)

1st and 2nd day of CNY..

were visiting relatives..

getting angpows..eating cookies and sweet stuff at ppl's houses..

was kinda tiring and so lack of sleep..

3rd day of CNY..was all about food..

had expensive lunch with sis-in-law's family..

and dinner..with my own lovely family..

and i decided to pay for everything..

as felt it is my duty to do so..

after ALL they have done for me..

4th day was a day i was looking forward to..

met 1 good fren.. 1 best fren..and 1 special fren

all have different roles in my life..

but of course..

meeting the special someone was something that touched my heart..

first time receiving flowers (roses) and love poem by my darling..

i was lost in my own thoughts when i read the poem..

even though the time spent was superb short..

i guess we maximise what ever we had..

and met again for breakfast the next morning..

was so hardy when we said our goodbyes..

as we both knew how much we gonna miss one another..

yet..sigh..thats something we both have to endure for GOD knows how long..

starting work was one hell of a time..

to moodless..the restless...the tiredness...

and just realised..

i will be oncalling on my hokkien chinese new year..

huhu.. but i will make sure i do wat i am supposed to do..

happy chinese new year to me and the rest of mankind who are celebrating this event...

love and huggies..............

memories.. :)

After the 2 fights we had..

it made me think of so many things..

why did we fight in the first place?

why did we behave in such a way?

why did we raise our temper?

why did we think that we are right in our own ways..?

the only reason i managed to think..

was the same reason u told me..

the 4-letter word that made us realised..

how important we are to each other..

the endless tears we shed for each other..

until the day u decided to call again..

and talked to me about how things have been..

i didnt know what made us patch up..

even though we both know that..

the journey we are taking..

will be full of challenges and obstacles..

we both know of the pain we might have to go though..

we both know of the suffering of longing we will have as the time passes by..

but why are we still persistent with our decision..?

ONLY GOD knows the answer to all of our actions..

the trip u made to Ipoh..

was indeed a sweet memory..

the time spent just talking to each other..

to clear all the misunderstandings we had for one another..

and the courage to open up about the past..

it means a lot to me..

i dont know when will we be able to have the time spent together again..

yet i know the memories during the wkend

will foreva stays vivid in our memory..

the only thing we could do is..

to pray harder and harder for US to work..

and to be guided through in watever ways that is best for us..