2009...

2009...

yet another year passes by..

it was just like yesterday..

when i was typing about the memories of 2008..

and now..with a few more hours to go..

im typing about things and memories of 2009..

it was full of happy, not so good and painful memories..

but if without these mixture..

i wouldnt be the person i am today...

to start of the year..(im flipping through my sushi king's calender)

i remember that it was 10 days to exam..

sigh..so it was the second time that new year was near exam..

so, it was my usual stay in the comfort room concept..

but i was glad to be able to witness the fireworks display..

it was something, better than nothing thou :)

in march, was glad to be able to attend's bro registration of marriage..

it marked the day i officially have a new sister who loves me.. :)

so that i wouldnt be 'bullied' by my brother..

at least i know where to 'complain' if it happens..

also a sister whom i can share my probs with..

those that are 'secrets' to my brother and parents :P

coming to mid year of 2009..

that was the last posting for my 4th year..

we had the fun and memorable time being together for one year..

the two postings where we stayed nearby each other..

was the best moments of all..

even up to now..

i miss the time dearly..it was so different..

it was also the time when i learnt that..

u dont judge ppl by what other ppl said..

u have to be with them to know who they are..

and..just accept them as they are..

as everyone is unique and no one is perfect, so am i..

the mid year also marked a special time for me..

being able to do my electives in Taiwan..

was a dream come true for me after one year of planning...

though it was a hard obstacle in the Mandarin world..

it was truly a memory that i wont forget..

to spend 4weeks there, joining the TC activities..

and getting to know wonderful ppl there..

was something wonderful, really meaningful to me...

not forgetting the short trips we went around the places..

though not many..but its still something...

and ya..i miss the food there thou..keke...

oo..of coz not only Taiwan..

i am also glad to that we had a chance to stop by at Philippines..

ya..though its just a stop over..

but meeting the wonderful TC ppl there..

really touched my heart..

it was the time..i felt the motherly love in a foreign land..

and i certainly suit myself..

as they are speaking hokkien and english :)

the few days there was really meaningful for me..

i was touched deeply for the care and concern..

and not forgetting knowing nice frens and a close fren there :)

after the trip...had a 1month break..

it was time with family and frens..

really had a nice time just lazing around in the house..

and bermanja-ing with parents..

i bet those who are studying far from home..

will understand wat holidays mean to me..

so..after all the enjoyment time..

its time to start the FINAL year of my medical student life..

the title 'FINAL YEAR' really left an impact in me..

even though keep saying i will work EXTREMELY hard..

but mana tau..aiyo..still so tak bertaubat..

keke..but i REALLY hav to bertaubat ady..

not much time left for the FINALE exam ady..

so..hav to be super super guai..

1st posting didnt go well for me..

it was the moment that hit me REAL hard as a student..

panicky attack and lack of confidence always bring me down..

but i wont give up trying and trying..

and i will keep my head high, like wat my lecturer told me..

and hope that things will be better for me...

so, all the best to me for all my coming exams..

september came..

it was the month of many events..

first was a happy moment of me :)..

i was euphoric, smiling each time i hav news

i was happy each time a new msg came in..

i was above all when i received calls or was able to talk..

but unfortunately..it didnt go on too well :(..

yeah, it was heart breaking..

but it happened for a reason i guess...

im happy for the times we had..

and glad that we are still frens..

and maybe friends for life is better for now..

september was also my bday..

was happy for the 1st oversea call..

and being able to celebrate with close frens..

was more than enough for me..

love you all..hugs and muax

coming to the end of the year...

many many events happened..

the happy would be brother's wedding..

it was buzy few months of preparation..

and parents was even willing to spend the extra money for me to come back..

it was a bz bz time..but we are glad it went on well..

first time being make up by pro make up artist..

many said i looked pretty..1 or two said i looked bad

but watever it is..

i just wana be myself..and proud of myself..

before the year ends..

it was certainly disheartening to receive so many unhappy news..

my heart broke..and i cried for the ppl who had to went through the sad moments..

though it didnt involve me..i could feel the pain..

my prayers for them and their families..

and may GOD be with them..

after what happened..

i realised that i have taken many things for granted..

i wasnt able to let go of things and memories i hold on so dearly

but it has always been me..

i always care for ppl more than myself..

so when things dont go right..

i always blame myself..

thou most of the time i wasnt at fault..

i guess its time that i move on..

yea..even thou i said i wont care or wont mind..

deep inside i still do..

but i am trying my best not to let minor minor things hurt me..

as..i should appreciate ppl around me..

ppl who love and care for me as who i am..

in a few more minutes...2010 will seep in..

yeah..starting my new year with coming exams AGAIN...

and i just wana stay happy for the year..

single or not..as long as i live my life to the fullest...

being able to spend wonderful times with ppl dear to me..

being able to care everyone that means so much to me..

being able to love those i truly treasure..

is more important to me...

so..all d best for me..

for the nex few months of serious striving moments..

may all of us in our batch survived the exams..

and looking forward to everything 2010 will bring for me..

best wishes to everyone....hugs and muax...

it wasnt something that i've expected...

its supposed to be a jolly good time but while i spent my hours all alone.. i realised that i've been always the unwanted, unimportant and lonely soul.. nothing hav changed from last year...and i guess i know how to summarize how the year has past by just like that.. im pretty down at the moment im typing this? will i get better after i sleep? i doubt it...

i dont know why is it so hard for some ppl to reply sms sent, no matter how important, no matter how urgent, its just left like that..didnt they realise the importance of a reply to the sender? even a 'yes', 'ok' or even a smile is so much more important than just an ignorance...

the hurt and pain of being pushed away ..is already so hard to endure..yet, another disappointing hope..just crash my already broken soul.. i just wish no one new will come into my life, only to hurt me even more... i dont need all the empty promises... i dont need the unspoken answers.. i dont need the dreams or hope that wont come true.. just leave me alone if u only meant to hurt me in the end... stop asking me to be sincere or care... i dont need anyone to teach me that coz i have been sincere and true to ppl i know.. and u dun freaking understand me..so stop saying u do..

yes..i'm full of miseries.. i cant stop but mourn over it.. i just hope the new year will bring a new beginning.. i need to get my genuine smile back..instead of a smile that hides all my inner pain..