i dont know wat to do...

the past few days..

have not been a pleasant time for me..

i dont know what is going on..

yet i know something for sure..

i miss him so much..

my feelings has been at the lowish side..

yet the worst was today..

when he was so busy..

i darent text him..call him..

but waited for him from morning till night..

i dont wish to speak as if i dont wana talk to him..

yet i dont have the heart to tell him im down actually..

the thunderstorm i went thru alone..

the nitemare that made me so scared to sleep..

the call i received in the afternoon..

i was happy when he called..

yet now i dont know if he shud call or i shud have called back..

coz he thinks i dont appreciate it..

and thinks im unresponsive..

im sorry that i lied i wasnt crying..

when the truth is tears were actually rolling down..

im sorry that he thinks im dull..

im sorry that i werent there to comfort him..

but it made me think..

why did he ask me that question?

"Why is it that today u felt lonely?? what do u usually do before u met me??"

he has known the answer when he knew me..

yet the questions brought up memories that i tried so hard to push away..

coz he knows how hard i pulled through tat time..

but i dont know why he asked those questions..

is there something more he wanted to tell me...

i knew im at fault for not being understanding..

i wasnt there when he needed me..

i dont blame him..

i only blame myself..

yet i dont know y my heart is aching..

yet i dont know wat to do but to leave him alone for himself like he wanted..

and i just dont know what have i done wrong again...

it dawned on me again that..

is it that i seriously dont deserved a loved one in my life..?

coz it hurt me more to see them hurt by me but i dont know what i have done..

yet i always believe it is always my fault...

im sorry navin... i truly am..