sorry is the only word

7th november 2009..

two nites of torturing moments indeed..
but i cant blame anyone but myself..
if only i had open up and told him the truth..
instead of saying not gonna tell him anything..
making him so pissed..
so mad and outbursted..
but i have me reasons of not telling him of my fear..
fear of having CA due to my persistent changes..
all the symptoms were kinda accurate..
its just whether i shud get it confirmed..

i NEVER had any intentions to hurt him..
coz i know he had be so stressed up with his work..
and knowing how his dad is having sleepless nites..
and the struggle he went thru daily..
i realised he had changed from the last time..
but it was my stupidity for not appreaciating it..
coz i have expected more..
the stressness of my own share of problems..
the depression of what may have happened to me..
and everything that wasnt going right..
i dont think i will EVER be forgiven..
no matter how i regret..
no matter how sorry i am..
no matter how remorseful i am..

i have hoped for some extra care..
but now..emptiness is what left for me..
do i deserve it???
yes i do..for hurting somone i treasure and look forward to..