well..

sometimes...things just happened..and i dont know whether it was meant to be...or it was just a test..or a challenge so that i will be tougher if these things were to repeat in the future... i dont know..somehow..pressure is building up, the stress is overwhelming..and yet, during this time, memories which i ought NOT to think, just flow back to me... im yet to know the answers to so many questions... and i wish i could.. why just the person make it ALL clear...?? as much as i have wanted something, there's no way i will have that memory permanent...coz, there's no concrete reason or something for me to hold on dearly...was it meant to be??..just to delete the whole thing COMPLETELY.. JUST LIKE THAT...?? its so hard for me to do it.. yet i know, those who are close to me, will certainly wan me to do it.. i can only say.. i wont stop trying..

hmm....

its so weird when out of sudden i was being question ' what will i do if someone suddenly ignores me after being close for some time?'.. not to say that it is a surprise, as its like a growing process and i think even NOW im experiencing it.. so i answered very directly to my close fren, " i will thank him/her.. whatever the reasons is, true frens dont 'abandon' one another no matter how buzy they are..so i shud be thanking GOD for showing me that this is not a true fren.. i wont bother to get back to that person also..whats the point..and i will tell myself that i DEFINITELY wont die without him / her..there are still other people who love and treasure me as who i am..

and i also learnt that, there is no point being goodie two shoes..im kinda being hit right on the head last nite.. if u wana behave as if u know so well, then continue doing so... dont come to me when ur in trouble, in need of sympathy or watsoever...coz..u dont deserve my attention and care in the first place..dont even know i was being so nice to u... something must have been wrong with me the last time...

guess its really a good thing when u dont have to know so much or even bits of things that is SO UNIMPORTANT and ya...mind my own business... enough of the hurtful words by ppl i care so much about...

its gonna be the final battle the coming 3 months... thanks to my wonderful 2 close buddies here for all their encouragement and pushing... may GOD bless us towards our battle and hope that everything goes smoothly for all of us...

Tears are words the heart can't express

it hurt me so bad..

to being accused by someone i love so dearly..

of things i didnt mean to do..

it wasnt meant to shame that person to the whole world..

it was just a small joke...

but that person took it OVERLY seriously

and throw the blame rite back to me..

hit me rite on the face..

thinking back..

since when what ever i said was meant well...??

everything i said was wrong..

everything i said was brainless..

everything i said was insensitive..

jokes i made was bad remarks..

jokes i made was shameful..

jokes i made was nuisance..

rite...i should just keep my damn bloody mouth shut...

and tied my hands so that they dont type...

i should have realised that things have changed..

things between us have drifted apart since 8 years ago..

i wasnt appreaciated anymore..

i wasnt cared about anymore..

i wasnt bothered anymore..

what ever i did was unimportant..

events that bring smiles to me..

was brushed off easily..

memories that bring smiles to me..

was laughed at..

the future that i hope to achieve..

was also laughed at..

its ok if u look down on me..

it will only encourage me to strive harder..

its ok if u think im a nuisance..

its ok if u always think that i meant to shame u..

coz in my heart..i NEVER hav any intention to do so..

its ok if u just wan to treat me this way..

coz i know its time to wake up..

its time for me to leave the path..

the path that we both went thru closely..

only that now..ur in a different stage of life..

while im struggling thru ALL ALONE here...