its really painful...

it came as a shocking msg,
yet it was just a temporary happiness
i didnt expect i would be so weak..
but waiting for emptiness and loneliness
was something i dreaded most
especially when im so lost
and my important msgs were
taken so lightly...
as if im so not important
and felt like being chucked aside
felt like being totally ignored..
by ppl who proudly told me..
i could count on them when i need to...
only to give me the cold treatment when i REALLY needed to..

enough of all the empty promises..
dont even promise when u cant even do it..
dont promise when u dont even know..
all those simple words
mean so much to others...
who are actually so fragile..
who actually went thru this pain repeatedly
only to have to go thru it again and again...

probably its fated...
its just a destiny..
to be given the hope..
only to be hurt again and again..

S.I.E.E.S

it is the time again when i was hit by the SIEES.. it is really the moment i dreaded most as the pressure load in me is beyond what i have imagined..i thought i was mentally prepared for this year but in the end, i am still weak and finding my way through the 'thick jungle' where im lost too many times to be exact..i didnt expect my tears to roll down again last night, over all this workload and the issue that im being bothered with.. being pushed to admit what ever inside me was something i didnt expect and it was so uncomfortable..so wat if i revealed? so wat if the other person knows the things i dislike? so what if the person knows im annoyed of the fact that im being ignored??? blame it on the network, ya right but in the end, i NEVER do that, leaving important msgs and questions unreplied even when im so dead buzy..it certainly ANNOYED me...as most of the time when i sent msg to someone nowadays, it meant im really in trouble and really need someone to talk to..if not i wouldnt even want to send, wats the point when all i got in return was emptiness and hopelessness...hence, it kinda hurt me in a way when someone who promised to be there for me and telling me to contact when i needed someone as the hp wil be on 24hours, also din wana bother me...fine...fair enough.. since im so unwanted, so ignored, so not welcome, i will return to my own nature of keeping everything to myself... i've had enough of waiting, waiting and waiting... its a torture... it really is..

how come when reality hits, is just so hard?

am i just weak..or i just cant let go of it?
have i actually made up my mind?
or i was not sure what i want?
why am i making things so complicated?
yet i know things just wouldnt work...

haih...
i wish i dont have to go thru all of this
especially when im already drowning real bad
only ME knows the peak of me at the moment
waiting to explode when the time isnt right
to someone?
to something?
but i really hope not..
coz i dont wana hav any more regrets
especially hurting ppl dear to me...

please guide me through....

so...wat is it all about...

it is hard to go on loving someone who cud never be urs, its
harder when the person u love doenst feel the same but its
much harder when the person u love loves u for fun... with
that msg that i received from my fren, Paolo in philippines and
a poem by Eric, it suddenly strike me to start typing things
that im supposed to clear from my head....

relationship...

is it a frenship plus love?

is it an attachment to someone?

is it a burden for the person u love?

is it a sacrifice for the special someone?

by saying 'I LOVE U'

what does it really mean?

u love the person for who he/she is?

u love the person becoz he's plain gorgeous?

u love the person becoz she's a babe?

u love the person becoz he/she is kind to u?

u love the person becoz of the gifts u received?

u love the person becoz of those kind n supportive words?

u love the person as a stepping stone for u?

u love the person becoz u just wan to feel being loved?

u love the person becoz ur plain desperate to be in a relationship?

or u truly love the person from the bottom of ur heart
despite all the conditions u have to go thru for them?

by TRULY loving someone,

it isnt about JUST PLAINLY saying the famous '3 words'

it isnt about sending lots and lots of messages

it isnt about talking to each other for long hours

it isnt about hanging out with each other for many hours

it isnt about throwing tantrum when things go wrong

it isnt about blaming one another when things turn sour

it isnt about being annoyed when being cared about too much

it isnt about being irritated when being asked to much'

it isnt about giving and receiving lots of gifts

and certainly it isnt about neglecting people n things around u

so wat is it about then?

to me...loving someone is..

to spend quality time with them thou its short

to care for them endlessly no matter how they dislike i

tto be with them no matter how busy things will be

to sacrifice for them without complaintto shower them with affection always

to support them when things go haywire

to encourage them when they are down

to be understanding when u just need to

to NOT blame them when there'r misunderstandings

to NOT blame them when there'r arguments

to NOT finger pointing when there'r grudges

to be able to forgive and forget

to be their ears when they need to pour out

to be their pillar when they need the support

to be their eyes when they are lostto be their 'rainbow' when they need some colour in their
gloomy days

to be their 'sunshine' when they need some light

to be their 'moonlight' when they are in darkness...

and certainly NEVER take things for granted

TRULY loving someone

could sometimes be painful

could sometimes be torturing

could sometimes be tearful

could sometimes be suffering

but all these experiences

will only make u more mature

will only make u stronger

as i always believe things happened for a reason

NOT being able to be with the person u love

is indeed an enduring moment in life

is indeed a missing parcel in lifeis indeed something one never wants to experience

is indeed a challege that is not only tough yet suffocating at times

yet..its just another experience in life...

even if u cant be with the person u LOVE, i feel...

we can always pray for their happiness

we are happy when they are happy

we share their sorrow when they are down

we care for them when they need us towe be with them when they need us to

we support them when they are low

as after all, we may be their close or bestest fren after all...

and thats how i have been loving people around me...

LOVE is indeed a complex thing...

different ppl have different opinions...

but before i end...i truly hope that

who ever that is in a relationship..

to truly appreciate it and not taking it for granted.

.who ever that is not..

think carefully before u even start..

understand wat LOVE really means..

coz it certainly need lots of commitment,

sacrifices,

respect,

honesty,

care,

time

and certainly strength mentally.

.to maintain a harmonious r'ship

to maintain a peaceful r'ship

to create a strongly bonded tie..

its not an individual basis..

as it involves ur other half..

to complete u....

i guess that's how serious i take frenship, so..wat difference
will it be for me in a relationship??? i wonder....

Love Zodiac Profile for the zodiac sign Virgo. :)

If you are Virgo:
You appreciate honesty in your relationships. You like to dominate your relationships. You take great care of the person you fall in love with. The commitment level you show is very high in your relationships. You tend to be a slow, sweet lover. You know how to make your partner feel very special. Loyalty is extremely important to you in a relationship. You do not like public display of affection. You like to get mushy at times. You are protective about your relationships and do not like taking risks.

Your kissing style:Your kisses are nice and very sensual.

To attract you, the opposite sex must be:well dressed, down to earth, trustworthy, appreciative, etc.

You are more compatible with -Pisces, Taurus, Capricorn

You are less compatible with - Aries, Libra, Aquarius

relationship???

6th august 2009- it the third week of my medical senior
posting(MSP)..was i lazy or im just tired or im just afraid of
the endemic??? i feel so weird to be back bit early today, but
i will definitely be more hardworking when there are days
when i have to stay back for classes or teachings.
neway, a few things happened this few weeks. the worst was
the outbreak i had on a fren who was actually having some
relationship problem. i guess i was just stress up with so many
things in my head, which include my own personal problems.
probably the wrong thing was told to me at the wrong time. he
was shock by the way i responded. it was so unlike me to
actually fired back someone for their actions. maybe he was
right after all, i dont have the rights to even say anything
about relationship thingy when i dont even have one. if so, why
ask me or talk to me about it in the first place..he's not the
first thou...haih...nevertheless, managed to patch things up with
him last nite as he knew i didnt mean to hurt him in anyway,
just that i was REALY stressed up the other day. he even
mentioned the email i sent to him was true enough, but will
wait and see how his so unpredictable and losing end
relationship will go...

so..relationship?? wat is it all about? is it just another frenship
but just add a bit more of love and care??? was it just about
being euphoric and happy all the time??? or was it just
another phase of life before marriage??? many have opinions
on relationship.. i have my own, and probably because of that i
am still single until GOD knows when.. am i ready to open up?
the answer i myself wasnt sure..to me, relationship isnt just a
bout being with someone. its about being committed in a
relationship which may need sacrifices at times. how much we
love someone, isnt just by the famous '3 words'. some ppl are
particular when their loved ones NEVER said those words to
them, but is it that important when the truth is they say just
because u like it, or is it more important when they TRULY say
it from the bottom of their heart???

i have heard so much about putting the blame on others when
the relationship turns sour.. i guess before blaming it on
others, one should just stare at the mirror and ask
themselves, have they done enough in that relationship, or
what they are doing is right?it isnt just about being there for
someone, its about understanding wat each other is going
through, be there for them, support them and see them
through those tough moments. yeah, a close fren can do the
same, but being a partner, u ought to do more coz u may be
the person ur partner trust the most after all..so, why pushing
the person away when u initiated the relationship in the first
place? if u dont wan someone to be too close to u, then dont
even think of being in a relationship, being close frens or
maybe just normal frens will do..i simply HATE ppl who just
take relationships for granted. and feel even worse when
someone ended the relationship then tried to be pityful,
sorrow and pretended as if the other person was in the
wrong..HELLO..wake up please.. stop all the nuisance and move
on. if u dont understand what 'LOVE' really mean, dont even
dare say it...

i kinda lost my poetry skills..or probably i dont have the
inspiration to properly sit down and type it out..just give me
some time and im sure i will be able to produce one...till then...