the truth is...

i wish i can tell u the truth...

the truth that i dont want u to take the offer..

im contradicting what i talk to whats in my heart..

u noticed the changes in my voice..

but u didnt know that i was weeping..

tears of uncertainty..

tears of insecurities..

but i dont have the heart to tell u wats in me..

from the call ystrday..

i knew my worst nightmare will become true..

u were so excited about all..

i could sense it from ur voice..

i could visualise what u wana do..

u gave all the bad points or the unpredictable of ur current position..

and talking about the good points of the new position..

how can i have the heart to tell u to stay on..

coz after all im just a bystander..

i rather i go thru the pain all alone..

then to make u include me in one of ur obstacles..

u din realise when i ask u the details..

coz after all the counting..

i wont be able to see u..not even spend time with u..

coz u will be flying of not for 3 days, 3 weeks but 3 months...

when u come bk... i will be working..

not to mention..i dont even know where i will be sent to...

then..we will be separated all over again..

when we so badly plan to be together...

all the promises...all the plans..

it will just fly with the wind..

all long forgotten...

ur okay as long as im supportive of ur decision..

meaning if i dont...u wont be ok...??

meaning... u will only hate me if i stop u...

so..i'll just keep quiet..

after all... i dont know if u really think of me..

when u got the offer..

coz i made all my decisions since u came to my life..

but i guess...u will be happy with the new offer..

so..just go for it..

and just let me be all alone by myself..

like i always have been..

thanx for the temporariness..of everything that u have done for me..