poured out..

i didnt expect to receive a msg from him...
not after when he has moved on..
telling me all the things that had happened..
reminding me of all the things i have done..and how i left..
reminding me of how i pushed him away..
reminding me that...i was a fool to myself..
telling me that..love is only temporary..
while i still hold on to the love..i always tot..did happened..

i dont know why..
why did i pour out all..
the things i promised to keep quiet..
the things i promised he wont know foreva..
the things never meant for him to know..
im hating myself even more..
could never even think of forgiving myself..

the my only biby...
u are right...
u have moved on..
u shud hate me..
to make this easier for u..
after all i hav hurt u..wounded u and killed u...
its ok u dont know what i hav went thru..
its ok u tot i hav moved on..
its ok u tot i was simply strong and left just like that..
u were never meant to know how much im going thru..
u were never meant to know how much i was holding on..
u were never meant to know how i have tied myself to the ring..
but im sorry i blurted it all out..
im really really really sorry....

God certainly loves u more than me..
coz HE answers all the prayers i beg Him for u..
im just curious why didnt HE listen to my prayers for miracles..
im losing purpose in life..
now..im losing faith in everything..
after all...
i know the journey is all about darkness..loneliness..
i lost my sunshine..
i lost my moonlight..
i lost my rainbow...
basically i lost my world.....
tell me how i shud live..
tell me how i shud live..
just pray that HE takes me away...
at least if next time anyone asked u about me..
can just said.."o..she died"...