one day..u will forget about me..my name..who?

valentine's day...
was a day all couples was looking forward to..
spending some really good time with ur loved ones..
yet i had only memories with me..
memories of the time spent with him..
how we had our time in the bowling alley..
watching movie..and most of all..we spent a quality time together...
my heart was aching..
as i miss him so much up to this day..
yet i can only keep it to myself...

however..16 february 2013..
after 2 months of no news from him..
he messaged me telling me..
he was match made with someone else..
and he is truly happy about it..
i am happy for him..
yet i dont know why..
my heart was aching even more..
my tears were rolling down like waterfall...
yet only me myself know how painful it is..

from the start..
he thought i was moving on..
it was best for him to think that way..
coz i know holding him beside me..
will only caused him more pain..more hurt..
all the worries..all the burden i put on him..
something i wish i dont have to see it on him...
when we met during his bday..
i was so hurt...seeing the tears in his eyes..
i hav so much wanted to just hug him..hold his hands..and wipe the tears away...
he told me before..
he was crying in pain...
yet..i dont have the heart to tell him..
i AM still crying in pain...
im glad his tears hav dried up..
while mine are still pouring down daily...

he told me before..
he might not be able to find someone else...
he told me before..he is not the type to just let go and be with someone else..
but knowing he found someone else..
i should be happy for him..
coz i pray and beg GOD to bless him with someone better than me...
yet why i feel so much more wounded..
yet why i feel so painful...very very very painful...

he said i should be happy...
but i didnt know what happy means anymore...
i hardly smile...coz i lost the reason to smile..
i no longer look forward to anything..
coz there was no reason to look forward to..
i wish i hav someone to support me..
yet i know i hav no one to even bother about me..
going back to my old self is the best choice..
since i hav prepared to be alone..
and loneliness..darkness have always been my best companions...
it was EASY for him to move on..it was only 4 months ago...
but i certainly know..it will NOT be easy for me to move on..
it may take years...or maybe a life time...
coz i know i cant call any other ppl with the affection i hav called him..
it was even more painful to see him calling others wat he had called me previously..
i cant have anyone treating me like he did..
and i hav prepared to NOT be with anyone else...
yet..he doesnt know anything about it...
the love..care..affection..understanding .he showered on me..
can NEVER be replaced...

i will continue praying for u.. my only biby..
ur happiness means a lot to me..
at least i now know ur happy with someone else..
i hope GOD will bless u with happiness always..
and hope everything goes smoothly after that...
one day..u will forget about me..my name..who?
it will be the best punishment for me...
for hurting u n causing u so much of pain...
that i cant even forgive myself..even though u may hav forgiven me..