loser...

Im really really really so tired... Loser suits me moat..when i hav list everything... The person i love... Ihe person who taught me all about love.. The person who was my pillar my strength..my heart beat...my soul... I believed everything he said.. I believed so much of wat he said... I believed he was who i hav wanted.. Yet he didnt realise he took the most oriceless thing i had... Yet wat he only rmbr was i left... But he didnt know i was holding on all d while.. i was not allow to speak.. i was not allow to talk yo him.. He forgot how i hold on when he left... He forgot how i hav trusted everything tat he said... He forgot tat he was my everythin... Y does he hav to make me believe in so many things...only to crash it down after tat... I din cheat on him...i always believe he was my only one after he corrected me tat he was my first bf but now..all left is me alone...i know it...how i wish i will die fast...real fast

wat is care...

I only meant to care...nothing else..... But y my small favour was being rejected..n questioned as if im gonna destroy him... I know very well i have lost him... He wont b back wif me... All i can do is to care for him... Is caring for him prohibited?? Is it wrong to care for him?? This further made me realise im alone in this journey... In which im losing my strength..n not wanting to live anymore... If anything happen to me... I guess no one bothers... not even him after all..he had moved on...

pretending..lying

I know i am jus lying to myself... When i told him he shudnt msg me.. My heart was more than ever longing to hear tat beep...to see his name on d msg list... I was lying to him..pretending i was strong.. Pretending to him i can move on.. Pretending to him i hav prepared to b alone.. But the truth is..i havent..i cant move on.. I stil wait for his lil msg... But i know it wont come.. I stil wait for his lil care.. Yet i know i hav pushed him away again.. I stil wish to catch a glimpse of him from far.. But i darent even step into d place im quite familiar... I stil wish i can meet him... But i know even if he sees me in tears... he wont offer me the hug which i long so much to have... A person who taught me so much about loving someone..is also d same person who told me love is temporary... Then y am i stil crying daily.. Y cant i breathe nowadays.. Y is my chest so heavy.. y is there a sharp pain inside

endless tears...

I duuno y..but tears are just streaming down as if theres no tomorrow... I dont know how im going to pull throughi know is...i cant msg him anymore.. he musnt know how much im hurt..he musnt know how devastated i am.. he musnt know im already ruined...now my tummy starts rejecting my food intake...nex wil be my eyes wif the constant tears..optometrist has warned me i can go blind..yet i cant stop d tears..wif my heart aching so much more.. i wish i hav tat stength to ruin the inner core tat kept my heart pumping or sedatives tat wil just shut my brain off.. i wish i can do it soon...

love is temporary...

I dunno wat im doing is wat i wan... I dunno wat im doing is right or wrong... But i just know msging him is wrong... After all im d one who has hurt him so much... Initially i was happy...a feeling i havent felt for so long... Yet an inner voice told me everything im doing to b in contact is wrong.. He has moved on with some one else... A person who for sure has better n fine qualities compared to me... A person who made him feel wanted..while i was the one who kept pushing him away i feel like a third party for msging him...a total big bitch is more like it... When he told me he wanted to meet me... My heart skipped...the old memories come bk... But nevetheless..i know its wrong...very very wrong.. I cant b possibily b seen wif him...not after he is seeing someone else... I know how hurt his new gf is going to be i have no rites in anything else anymore.. When i finally hav the guts to tell him tat he shudnt risk anything else for me coz im just not worth it... He replied...ok..it it was my decision.. I din know y tat answer added to d wound in my heart... I guess coz i finally realise something i was denying... It was NOT love anymore for me... I was in denial when he told me love was only temporary... I always believe true love last foreva n eternal... Tats coz i will love him til d end.. I wont promise to tk care... Coz i cant seem to b able to do so... Not after..u..my biby..my world..came crashing down... But i jus hope at least i wil keep u in me for eternal... May u b blessed til d end... U deserve it..

its sad

Its really painful daily... But he has been there for me despite all tat i have done... It breaks my heart ... Coz i know its wrong to do this... Yet y cant i stop msging him??.. Y is it tat im hating myself even more daily??? I really dont know wat else i shud do... Im lost in everything... He told me today not to ruin myself.. But i really dont look forward to anything.. It seems so empty...so dark.. N...i jus dunno wat else i shud do... I hav lost faith... I dont believe my prayers wil b answered... Im really pathetic....

my heart still ache so bad...

I dont know y i feel so wrong..
But i cant stop myself from replying..
Y i still look forward for his msgs..
Y does my heart still long for him..
Thou i know he has moved on..
Its not fair for him..his gf...
I feel like a bitch for behaving like this..
I shudnt hav blurted out..
Y y did i further hurt him more..
He is not supposed to suffer anymore coz of me..
He deserve d best in everything..
I jus feel like drowning myself...
Since no one bother about me..except him..
But then he already has someone else..
Im sure one day..he will eventually forget about me...who...
I seriously dont know wat to do...