choose the person u love..n love the person u chose...

choose the person u love..n love the person u chose... This was d sentence tat caught my attention during my clinic sesson in neuro clinic wif dr eow a wonderful neurologist wif such a kind soul...the short session with her really made me think back how stupid i was... Why did i let myself to b hurt?? Why did i waste my tears?? Why did i make my heart ache?? Why did i make myself suffer over something?? Her words caught my attention.. We cant change the past but we can plan for the future.. How she advised the patient of doing something without fear so tat he doesnt carry d regret to his grave.. Made me realise again... Yes i regretted d decision i made for breaking up for my parents... But i have told him wat i was going through n everything he made me believed n trusted which made me suffer so much of pain coz of his words...and so..i hav no regrets anymore...i hav told him wat are my feeling...wat are in my heart..i hav done wat i am capable of doing... he has made his decision as well..but i sincerely hope his current gf doesnt know tat to him falling in love is so easy...n to him love is temporary... coz it made me realise this is NOT wat love is all about.. the sentence choose d person u love n love the petson u love.. i will carrying on. loving him coz i chose to love him..its ok if ppl think im stupid but to me..i hav chose him.. i wont open up anymore coz i have given up on wat love is all about..trusting n believing in someone wil not happen again..coz i wil b the stupidest gal on earth to let myself to b hurt again... He said i dont give a shit to him when he was going thru such emotional period...but i was wondering if he gave a shit to wat i am going thru n will b going thru all my life... wat does i wil b thete means when it was only words but no actions?? My dearest biby... I may still love u...i may stil care for u... But i wont make myself suffer anymore coz of u... As u said i dont deserve u at all.. As u said u dont know y i came into ur life.. I hav since realise it wasnt love anymore... Love isnt temporary.. love is eternal.. It was u who doesnt know wat loves mean... But u have taught me valuable lesson... Tat is NEVER to open up..trust or believe anymore

its ruined...

I hav learnt tat life is just full of lies.. I will b d stupidest person to let myself being ruined.. But i hav to thank all d ppl who said they care for me.. Wat is care when all their actions are meant to hurt me?? Ppl who gave me nothing but empty promises... Ppl who simply like to use the 'sentence'.. I will b thete for u if u need me... If u really care for a person... U dont need to just b there when they need u... Arent u suppose to b there when they dont need u to? Not everyone is a drama queen.. If u really wanna b there for someone..u dont wait til ur asked to b there... So..its just bullshits saying u wil b thete but in reality ur not... Temporary is a word i learnt recently... I dont know y i believed everything n trusted everything... Only to b told it was temporary... But then i hav to realise this great teaching... Coz it made me realise theres no point to move on... After all...i stop believing.. I lost in faith.. I dont remember wat happy means anymore... Its already so painful knowing the person u love..believe n trusted no longer love u... Its even more painful to know when he question y did u came to his life?i Its ok he doesnt know all this pain im going thru coz of him... I have 'lost' my family... I have 'lost' a place call home... I have lost the person whom i wanted to spend my life wif.. I have lost the dream i was made to believe... I have lost the precious thing in me..in which i believed him to giv him to.. I have lost a future i thought i had... I dont need anyone to tell me time wil heal... Coz i wish time wil juz stop for me... I dont need anyone to tell me they believe i wil have my happiness.. When i dont even know wat happy means anymore.... I dont need anyone to tell me wat is love anymore... Coz i know love is just bullshits... Im living coz im living.. I dont look forward to anything coz theres nothing to look forward to.. Welcome back to the old self..full with darkness...loneliness..n bitterness.. Im only meant to live like tat...

loser...

Im really really really so tired... Loser suits me moat..when i hav list everything... The person i love... Ihe person who taught me all about love.. The person who was my pillar my strength..my heart beat...my soul... I believed everything he said.. I believed so much of wat he said... I believed he was who i hav wanted.. Yet he didnt realise he took the most oriceless thing i had... Yet wat he only rmbr was i left... But he didnt know i was holding on all d while.. i was not allow to speak.. i was not allow to talk yo him.. He forgot how i hold on when he left... He forgot how i hav trusted everything tat he said... He forgot tat he was my everythin... Y does he hav to make me believe in so many things...only to crash it down after tat... I din cheat on him...i always believe he was my only one after he corrected me tat he was my first bf but now..all left is me alone...i know it...how i wish i will die fast...real fast

wat is care...

I only meant to care...nothing else..... But y my small favour was being rejected..n questioned as if im gonna destroy him... I know very well i have lost him... He wont b back wif me... All i can do is to care for him... Is caring for him prohibited?? Is it wrong to care for him?? This further made me realise im alone in this journey... In which im losing my strength..n not wanting to live anymore... If anything happen to me... I guess no one bothers... not even him after all..he had moved on...

pretending..lying

I know i am jus lying to myself... When i told him he shudnt msg me.. My heart was more than ever longing to hear tat beep...to see his name on d msg list... I was lying to him..pretending i was strong.. Pretending to him i can move on.. Pretending to him i hav prepared to b alone.. But the truth is..i havent..i cant move on.. I stil wait for his lil msg... But i know it wont come.. I stil wait for his lil care.. Yet i know i hav pushed him away again.. I stil wish to catch a glimpse of him from far.. But i darent even step into d place im quite familiar... I stil wish i can meet him... But i know even if he sees me in tears... he wont offer me the hug which i long so much to have... A person who taught me so much about loving someone..is also d same person who told me love is temporary... Then y am i stil crying daily.. Y cant i breathe nowadays.. Y is my chest so heavy.. y is there a sharp pain inside

endless tears...

I duuno y..but tears are just streaming down as if theres no tomorrow... I dont know how im going to pull throughi know is...i cant msg him anymore.. he musnt know how much im hurt..he musnt know how devastated i am.. he musnt know im already ruined...now my tummy starts rejecting my food intake...nex wil be my eyes wif the constant tears..optometrist has warned me i can go blind..yet i cant stop d tears..wif my heart aching so much more.. i wish i hav tat stength to ruin the inner core tat kept my heart pumping or sedatives tat wil just shut my brain off.. i wish i can do it soon...

love is temporary...

I dunno wat im doing is wat i wan... I dunno wat im doing is right or wrong... But i just know msging him is wrong... After all im d one who has hurt him so much... Initially i was happy...a feeling i havent felt for so long... Yet an inner voice told me everything im doing to b in contact is wrong.. He has moved on with some one else... A person who for sure has better n fine qualities compared to me... A person who made him feel wanted..while i was the one who kept pushing him away i feel like a third party for msging him...a total big bitch is more like it... When he told me he wanted to meet me... My heart skipped...the old memories come bk... But nevetheless..i know its wrong...very very wrong.. I cant b possibily b seen wif him...not after he is seeing someone else... I know how hurt his new gf is going to be i have no rites in anything else anymore.. When i finally hav the guts to tell him tat he shudnt risk anything else for me coz im just not worth it... He replied...ok..it it was my decision.. I din know y tat answer added to d wound in my heart... I guess coz i finally realise something i was denying... It was NOT love anymore for me... I was in denial when he told me love was only temporary... I always believe true love last foreva n eternal... Tats coz i will love him til d end.. I wont promise to tk care... Coz i cant seem to b able to do so... Not after..u..my biby..my world..came crashing down... But i jus hope at least i wil keep u in me for eternal... May u b blessed til d end... U deserve it..